It Wasn’t A Life

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This poem in being published in the next issue of ‘Current Accounts’ which is a National poetry magazine, along with my poem ‘Maternal Streak’ which can also be found on the ‘My Poetry’ page.

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It Wasn’t A Life

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Oh excuse me, you never said

Your little girl or boy was dead

The grapevine didn’t work its magic

On news this shatteringly tragic.

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So was it a bleed that gave the clue

That this tot wasn’t meant for you?

Or unwanted news at the scan

From some blank faced girl or man?

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So stick a needle in my belly

Tell me what I fear already

Show me markers, measure limbs

I can’t take it in.

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Don’t talk of how you were checked in

To silent ward all grey and grim

How everything that life’s about

Was unemotionally coaxed out.

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No unconscious scrape for you

Adds hurt to what you’re going through

To find some peace, some mental hush

Gird you’re thighs, you’ll have to push!

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I held my baby in my palms

Her tiny head, her legs and arms

Her downy brows, translucent skin

I can’t take it in.

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Get on with it, stiff upper lip

You’ll have another, the usual quip

You’ll feel better in a day or three

It just wasn’t meant to be.

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Don’t cry out loud, don’t shout or grieve

Or wear your heart upon your sleeve

Keep it all behind closed doors

A tragedy that’s just all yours.

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No pay phone was brought to my bed

You don’t phone home to say she’s dead.

To speak of it would be a sin

I can’t take it in.

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I can’t register her death

It wasn’t life you see

The baby was under 24 weeks…

IT WAS A LIFE, SHE LIVED IN ME.

4 Responses to “It Wasn’t A Life”

  1. 😦 wish I could hear. I have my sound turned up, but it may be a problem on my end.

  2. […] in the national poetry quarterly ‘Current Accounts’.  The two poems are ‘It Wasn’t A Life’ and ‘Maternal Streak‘ which are both on my ‘My Poetry’ page.  Very pleased […]

  3. sarah hollingbery Says:

    a fitting tribute xx

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